Reflections of a Scapegoat

 

Journal of Martin Jacobs a.k.a. Noah Wolf

 

Apr 14, 2025

Galactic Activation Portal

May the energy of Yellow Resonant Sun help me to gain clarity in my journey so I can feel strong to shine brightly and resonate with all that is

I am guided by the power of Wisdom

Yesterday, I made some references to how I thought my parents were in a secret society. I also speculated that my mother kept me out but that made me the scape goat. I added that when my paternal grandmother died, we never went back to that side of the family again. I believe my mother quit the “society” at that time. After that, bad shit was always happening to her. Bad car accident followed by a diagnosis of cancer about 6 months after, when I was 11 and died a year later. She was the only person I had a bond with at the time, so I was distraught at the funeral, and I remember that I caused a huge scene when people were visiting and laughing at the funeral. There is an inference to make here, but I’m not going to speak it about what happened to my mother.

There exists another reason I was scapegoated. I have heard many rumors over the years about various things. One was that I suffered severe head Trauma on my left-brain hemisphere, giving me what I consider brain damage on the 3d side. This would make sense if the rumor that I was a very gifted child was true. I think head Trama is the true rumor, and the intent was to keep my gifts from developing and evolving.

About a year later my father married his secretary, and our two families were joined. I suspect my new stepmother was also “in”. So, there was me, the second child, but first to my parents’ union, older half-brother S, 1 year younger brother M, and younger sister B. My new step siblings were P, the oldest child, then D, who was 3 years older than me, and L, who was my younger sister age.

Now, we’ve all heard the scapegoat story, and looking back recently a few things started to make sense, as to certain events that happened during the next three years.

First, D took me under his wing, and I was able to go anywhere and do anything. In the spring of my 9^th grade in school when I was 14, we hoped on his motorcycle to go to a nearby town to meet girls. We were a mile from home when we took a right turn and started accelerating more than usual. I saw a car idling behind some bushes coming up. A wave of panic overtook me, and I tried to jump off. I knew we were going to hit that car.  D reached back and held me on right before we made impact.

It was so close to home; my family was there before the ambulance. As I lay there on the ground with my left foot healing looking back at me, it put me into instant shock. My only memories are the bright sun shining in my eyes, and they told me I kept saying to my father, why don’t you just hit me on the head with a hammer and get it over with. This I believe was the second instance of my sub consciousness giving me clues to who may have been doing the physical abuse that I could not remember, but apparently my sub consciousness could. The first communication I believe came when I suddenly knew we would hit that car before it even started backing up.

Yes, there was a lawsuit, and I got 7,500 and D got 10k. My parents got an unknown amount. We hear the stories of scapegoats being used to make money and I didn’t understand until now. There favorite way to make money was through lawsuits, because why, crooked lawyers and judges. In my opinion, D was a hit man for the order. Remember they can’t just physically attack us, so this was a work around. He was in at least 13 accidents that I know of and there were two deaths. Life insurance comes to mind.

I’ve also heard that when these criminal families merge, they have to keep a small circle. So, first, L and B my sister ended up marrying, and at some point my father divorced the stepmother and married the step daughter. He was married to her for some years before he eventually got sick of a mysterious illness and died. When they opened him up his inside was full of ganggreen. He dies a slow painful death that took a year. Again, an inference can be made here too, keeping in mind there was indeed a lawsuit. I received 5k. My siblings claimed the same and no one knew what P received, although I now suspect, everyone got a much larger amount than I.

Skipping ahead quite a bit, I had an Epiphone about our guitar player and why he hired me for the band as the drummer to make an album. He was done with the bar scene and wanted to record his own music. He shouldn’t have hired me as I was not at the skill level the rest of the band was. I have known that guitar player since I was a teen, and I later found out he was already connected to my dad somehow. So, my new theory is that he hired me because he heard from my father that I had a very special gift, and people started using me. The story was, anything I touched turned to gold.

Right at the time we had six songs finished, we were offered an opportunity to open for Foghat in April 1997. We auditioned and got the gig. We got to play our 6 new originals in Sheridan Michigan, 6 miles from my hometown. We played in front of 1,000 people, many from our local area. That was our first live gig, and we were opening for Foghat. All our friends and families got to be there. Something was in the air, and things were indeed starting to shine.

Over the next 3 years we wrote enough music for an album. We won a battle of the bands and won studio time and a chance to go to Kalamazoo and play with a super group featuring John Carabi from Motley Crue, Bruce Kulic from Kiss and David Lee Roths ex drummer. We got to open for them. I clearly remember being up there playing and looking to my left, and there was Bruce Kulic leaning against a nearby doorway, May 15 ft away.

We only won enough studio time to get two tracks down just to get an idea if we would record there or not. It was a clean recording, but I didn’t think he found the right sound. It was almost too clean. So, me in my infinite wisdom offered to build a studio and all the equipment and record it myself, and that’s exactly what I did.  I had a garage built new for 10k, and I modified the inside to be a studio. I also bought a 32-track mixer and an Alesis digital tape recorder. We finished the Album in 2000, the same year I got the big offer to move to Florida.

Now, I believe that when you get a small group together, like a band, striving for the same goal, a new collective consciousness is formed and connected to each member in the group or band in this case. What you end up with is a true 6^th member of the band. Our creative energies begin to blend, and things start happening with very little effort at this time. WE finished the album in 2000, the year I received a ridiculous offer to transfer to Tallahassee District Court for like 30% more than I was making. Some years later I learned that my pension would be based on my highest three years’ earnings. I believe that was all orchestrated to maximize the pension, but not for me. Again, inferences can be made here.

I went through my spiritual journey starting in about 2010, when I was anointed by God, but that’s another story. Two years ago, I reached out to our guitar player to get a copy of the album that I hadn’t had a copy of in years. When I listened to the album again, I realized every single song was about a certain aspect of my Journey. In 2015, I started using the pen name, Noah Wolf. The title track of the album was called Bitten by the Wolf. I equate that to being an analogy of getting baptized by fire (truth). Other songs are listed below with lyrics. I’ll highlight the lyrics that really bring it home. Although, just reading the titles indicates the theme of the album. I believe it was through our little collective that the guitar player who wrote the lyrics was channeling from my spiritual connection.

I guess he made the right choice in hiring me after all. My presence, leadership and spiritual connection did indeed seem to bring in so much positive energy. In this case I was being used for my light, but I didn’t mind because as an Autistic, we were tapping into something I was passionate about which gave me super hyper focus. It was the most enjoyable time of my life. It’s fitting, I think that as I come to the end of my quest for wholeness, that I give this overview of my early years and share the recent revelations that could have only come from finally breaking away and spending nearly a decade away from everyone.  Once I get this posted I’ll work on adding a link to a YouTube playlist so you may listen to the songs. 

 

Bitten by the Wolf   Legend says he’s out there Searching hunting for his prey Killing, just to survive Another night turns into another day   (chorus) He was born unto this earth He will die, his mission complete Running fast by the light of the moon Better run, or be bitten by the wolf   Vision getting blurry All is starting to go black Gonna stay out late tonight Once bitten, you can never go back   (chorus) (lead)   Silver cannot hurt him His teeth are sharp and white Rapid heartbeat You can feel his rush Before he charges to bite   (chorus)   Better run, better run Or be bitten by the wolf.	Holders of the Cross   Bright eyes in the night Only means one thing Witches cry tonight The angels come to sing   The battle lasts forever more Many a soul are lost The only ones that know for sure Are the holders of the cross   (chorus) Holders of the cross Holders of the cross For Gods sake don’t get lost They’re the holders of the cross   Spirits moving through the wind Is it the sign Bring this battle in Or face the test of time   (chorus)   The battle lasts forever more Many a soul are lost The only ones that know for sure Are the holders of the cross   (chorus) (lead)   Spirits moving through the wind Is it the sign Bring this battle in Or face the test of time   (chorus)
Red Sun   You can feel the warning signs You can see it in the sky You can feel it in the thunder Burns right through your eyes   Signs been there all along People keep on doing it wrong Evil drives up all the fear As Armageddon draws near   (chorus) Is it the end of all Did your demons come to call Should be no surprise Red sun is on the rise On the rise   We should rally round our hero Rock and Roll Ground zero Let the music ring out loud Play it well and play it proud   (chorus) (lead)   (chorus)	Secret of the Stone   When the sun shines black And the moon is gone What will happen to our world Rainbows running to their colors No one knows for sure   (chorus) There’s only one chance To right our wrongs Before the angels turn their backs Find the old man, growing old And learn the secret Secret of the stone   Crystal of the ages Our sins we must atone Won’t you share the secret Secret of the stone   Words were once spoken A long time ago We’ll spread the truth across the land Once proud warrior Until the end The secret is buried, in his hand   Crystal powers Oh so strong We’ll serve the light upon the land Bring back the rainbows Bring back the light Bring back the man to the man   (chorus) (lead)   When the sun shines black And the moon is gone What will happen to our world Rainbows running to their colors No one knows for sure   There’s only one chance To right our wrongs Before the angels turn their backs Find the old man, growing old And learn the secret Secret of the stone   (chorus)
Dream City   You can hear the wise one speak Of a place, you can escape to No noise no confusion Just a place where your wishes come true   (chorus) Streets are paved with Gold Here you can never grow old No more wars, no more pity Sleep well, we’re off to dream city When your life feels full of sorrow Waiting for tomorrow seems to never end Just close your eyes Let the magic take you away   (chorus) (lead)   There’s a magical mystery out there All you need is to find a way It’s a life with a pure reflexion All the heavens and the stars Let us prey   (chorus)   Sleep Well	Ship that never Returns   There’s a cold wind blowin From across the sea It’s the heaven of eternity Sacred flame turns cold to the touch And it’s headed for you and me   (chorus) There’s no need for running This life we have to learn Come sail away with me On a ship that never returns   Feel the waves a crashin As we sail through the night In mindless passion Two lost souls will unite   Long be our journey Come what may We’ll pay the price Quest for adventure Cloaked in darkness You’ll think twice   (chorus)   It’s an endless ocean What we call life Yours and mine Hear the sound Hear the colors Taste the light   We’ll live forever Be immortal, Reign supreme So take my hand Never look back It’s destiny   (chorus) (lead)   Feel the waves a crashin As we sail through the night In mindless passion Two lost souls will unite   Long be our journey Come what may We’ll pay the price Quest for adventure Cloaked in darkness You’ll think twice   (chorus)
Dark Night   In a world of misbelieving To the Gods you are deceiving Unholy one you are the fighter Hang mans rope a little tighter   Can you hear the morning sun as it rises Like an eagle in its flight Hope lies only in tomorrow Yeah, dark night   So, you think you are the only one It’s not the end, it’s only just begun Over the mountains and across the 7 seas Like an Angel we will fly   Run, run, run with the Tiger Only sees in black and white Hope lies only in tomorrow Yeah Dark Night Dark Night   (lead)   Just beware and find the key Unlock the secret to this mystery Would you trade your own eternity For a chance at serenity   Can you hear the morning sun as it rises Like an eagle in its flight Hope lies only in tomorrow Yeah, dark night   Repeat Dark Night   Hope lies only in tomorrow Dark Night	The Hunter   Before the dawn breaks I’m awake to the sound Where the cool night air Left the dew on the ground Out in the darkness As daylight awaits The call of the wild Is calling my name   (chorus) I am the hunter It’s calling my name Call out to the hunter Always out there searching for prey The Hunter x 4   Shadows come alive Too dark to see On a moonlit night What would it be Out in the bush Just before dawn The hunter still waits To take them home   (chorus) He’s waiting for you (lead)   Before the dawn breaks I’m awake to the sound Where the cool night air Left the dew on the ground Out in the darkness As daylight awaits The call of the wild Is calling my name   The hunter x4
God of Thunder   They came from the thunder They came from the sky They came to praise the God Live or Die When the lightning strikes Don’t look away, don’t run and hide He’s on your side   (chorus) He’s the God of Thunder He knows your sin He sees tomorrow He sees the end He’s the God of Thunder Yes he is   From out of the darkness and into the light He fights against evil and fights for his life No one could stop him No one would dare To hell with the madness Let life be fair   (chorus)   (lead)   They came from the thunder They came from the sky They came to praise the God Live or Die When the lightning strikes Don’t look away, don’t run and hide He’s on your side   (chorus)

 

One thing I think is interesting is that, as soon as I started writing this post, focusing on my biggest passion, everyone online starts suggesting that’s what I should do, is to focus on my passion. People seem to be misunderstood, because there’s no way to know, that what they are picking up on is my connection to the collective, and not the other way around. It’s happened way too many times to count, just know if you get an idea for me, it’s probably because I already did it, but haven’t spoken on it yet.

My final note before I leave you to it, is my ex, her sister, and her mother all lived for lawsuits. It’s stuff that didn’t seem relevant to me at the time, but boy does it seem relevant now.

This is my breakthrough I have no doubt. Where we go from here, I have no idea, but I’m looking forward to the future in a brand new way!