The Quest

In the fall 2010, I was sitting in the new addition to the house with my ex having a rather deep conversation. I had recently tried Adderall and around the same time finished the book “Driven to Distraction” about ADHD. I remember crying for hours after reading that book. Tears of Joy in having finally seen my experiences described so vividly by another. So, in the following weeks I was quite literally lost in this newfound depth to my thoughts and emotions. We are sitting there talking, my fiancé and I, I remember being very relaxed with my feet up on the desk. We were talking about my mother who passed when I was 12, and how close she was to her father and how they used to pick up the phone at the same time, dial, and just be talking with no rings occurring on either side. I started talking about the unconditional love a mother has for a child and how that had been missing from my life for a very long time. At that moment, I saw a light flash in the sky. I installed special floor to ceiling windows in the addition which allowed a view of the night sky to the west. However, the window was only 20 inches wide, yet the light still fell into this area. The light beamed right down into my chest and lit me up with electricity shooting up my spine like I had never felt. It spread through my body with a warm glow as intense as an orgasm only lasting much longer, well over a minute.

I wasn’t sure what happened. It occurred again on several different occasions, but none as intense as the first. I had heard of Kundalini, but my ex insisted it was just the Adderall and with her being a Registered Nurse, I let it go as just that. In hindsight, I can easily say, this is where the relationship took a turn that I wouldn’t fully recognize until 2012, but that’s another story. Following getting “lit up” I was left with this nagging purpose. All I knew, is that I needed to go to Michigan, where I was born and raised, and find a box my grandfather left behind after he passed in 1984, the year I actually graduated high school. At this point, I had no idea if a box actually existed or where this idea was coming from, I just knew I was going to follow it. In hindsight, I guess I made it rather easy for my ex to paint me as the crazy one.

I can recall my first trip to Michigan happened within months. I wasn’t working at the time. I was staying home and taking care of my ex’s mother and dog while working on additions to the house. This left me plenty of time to pursue crazy ideas, and that I did. I decided to go to my Aunt Janet’s house in Saginaw, as that’s where my mom’s family still lived and where my grandfather also lived when he passed. Plus, she was closest to my grandfather after my mother was gone. If there was a box, she was going to know about it. My elder half-brother, Skip, also came as he wanted to see everybody too. While it was a joyful reunion and we looked through lots and lots of family photo albums, there was no box and I drove back to Florida empty handed. Skip got there late so he missed the discussion of my box quest.

I did start pursuing a master’s degree in IT with a 4.0 gpa and completed it in the fall of 2013. Another factor I believe that led to further disturbance to the relationship. We broke up just before Christmas 2013. I stayed with family for a few months, before I decided I needed to get away from Florida and as far away from the ashes of that relationship as I could. I went to stay with my elder half-brother who had a big house and let me stay in the basement guest room. I had been staying there several months when my uncle (mom’s brother) from Saginaw passed away, to which I picked up and drove with my sister and Skip and his wife drove separate. We were all sitting there with my Aunt Janet and all her kids eating and talking about Uncle Bill, he was a great guitar player who I saw on TV several times in the 70’s. Anyway, Skip blurts out, “Hey I’ve got a box of Grandpa Foote’s stuff in the trunk, if anyone ones to go through it, I’ve had for 17 years!! He had it stored under the bed I had been sleeping on for the past 6 months!! I about shit myself.

Well, in this box was a letter my grandfather had written to my mother when she was dying with cancer in 1978. I attached the letters.

The significance of course to me was the Edgar Cayce and Consciousness statements. I had no idea my grandfather was also into these things. I knew he was probably autistic and loved astronomy and painting. This was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me. And after several years of searching, I was proved right. My ex and my kids were not as impressed as I, however.

Then fast forward to the end of 2015. I was living in Belding with my other brother and as I was walking back from the river, where I had been meditating, I saw a sign for a Lutheran church and decided to go as my intuition was screaming. During the sermon the pastor told the story matching the one my grandfather was trying to remember, “somewhere somewhere in this aisle”. It was the same story, just the pastor remembered it all. He was staring right at me the whole time. That was synchronicity #2 on the letter.

Then just a few weeks ago I was listening to music by Volbeat and heard this lyric (I copied it with the letter) and again, about shit myself.

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